Holidays have a way of throwing the good, the bad, and the ugly at us, don’t they?
Especially in split households, i.e., with children of divorce, figuring out where to celebrate, how to keep traditions alive, and ensuring everyone’s emotional well-being feels like an emotional rollercoaster.
Someone who’s seen first-handed knows how challenging it can be to balance traditions, emotions, and everyone’s well-being. With a little planning and some creativity, we can make the holidays a joyous time for all.
Let’s start with some sobering statistics. The Pew Research Center reports, “The U.S. has the world’s highest rate of children living in single-parent households. Nearly a quarter of U.S. children under 18 live with one parent and no other adults (23%), more than three times the share of children around the world who do so (7%).
That’s a lot of children trying to make the best out of split holiday celebrations. And it’s not always easy.
Planning is your best friend
You know what they say, “Failing to plan is planning to fail.” Start your planning early, like way early. We’re talking months in advance. Trust me, it’ll save you a ton of stress and headaches down the line.
One out of the box way is a shared digital calendar. Get both households on board and mark down all the important dates, events, and schedules. No more “I thought we were doing this” or “But I had them scheduled for that day” drama. Communication is key, my friend.
Involve the children
Speaking of communication, it’s important to set a positive tone and involve children in the planning process. After all, these holidays are just as much for them as they are for you.
Sit down with them and get their input. What traditions do they enjoy the most? Which new ones would they like to start? When you make them feel heard and valued, it goes a long way. Getting them involved makes these holidays an adventure too.
Traditions, old and new
Some of the old ones might need a little tweaking to fit your new family dynamic. That’s okay! Don’t be afraid to adapt to them. However, hanging onto some old traditions provides a sense of continuity that’s comforting. And there’s also something exciting about starting new traditions.
Maybe instead of one big Christmas Eve gathering, you split it into two smaller, more intimate celebrations like a special breakfast in the morning followed by a hike, or maybe you start a new tradition of having a special “Holiday Movie Night” with festive snacks and matching PJs. Whatever it is, making it your own can turn “split” holidays into something everyone looks forward to.
The key is to get creative and make it your own. These new traditions can become the glue that holds your children together during the holidays.
Ah, the age-old question: how do we split holiday time between households?
There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, but here’s what I recommend. First, try to be flexible. Children shouldn’t feel like they’re being torn between two homes. Maybe one household gets Christmas Eve and morning, while the other gets Christmas afternoon and evening. Michael Cohen, a divorce mediator in Lake Forest, Chicago, says such arrangements are often seen in amicable divorces, emphasizing the well-being of the children above all.
If you’re on good terms with your ex, why not consider a joint celebration? I know, it might sound crazy, but it can be a beautiful way to show your children that, despite the split, you’re still a united front when it comes to their happiness.
Handling emotions
The holidays can stir up a lot of emotions, and that’s okay. It’s crucial to acknowledge and validate those feelings, both for yourself and your children. Take time to create an open and safe space for everyone to express themselves without judgment, ensuring they feel loved, secure, and happy.
If your children are struggling, offer emotional support. Remind them that it’s okay to feel torn or sad, and that those feelings are valid. You could even suggest starting a new tradition, like a “Feelings Jar” where they can write down their emotions and you can discuss them together. This may help turn potential meltdowns into moments of connection.
Your childrens come first
At the end of the day, the number one priority should be the happiness and well-being of your children. This means putting aside any lingering resentments or conflicts with your ex during the holidays.
Agree to a “no drama” policy and keep the focus on creating cherished memories for your children.
If tensions run high, take a step back and remember why you’re doing this. It’s not about you or your ex anymore; it’s about giving your children the best possible holiday experience.
Lean on your support system
You don’t have to go through this alone. You can lean on your extended family and friends for support. They can be an incredible source of love, stability, and joy for your children. Just be sure to discuss your new holiday arrangements with them to avoid any awkward moments or misunderstandings.
Don’t forget about you
Parents need love too. The holiday season can be emotionally taxing, so making time for self-care is non-negotiable. Whether it’s a quiet cup of coffee in the morning or a walk after dinner, find what refuels you. And if the going gets tough, reaching out for support from friends or a professional can make all the difference.
Legal considerations
Sometimes, the issue of holiday celebrations can get tangled up in legal agreements. If you have any custody agreements or visitation rights in place, make sure you’re adhering to them during the holidays. If conflicts arise that you can’t resolve on your own, don’t hesitate to seek mediation or legal advice.
Takeaway
So, as we gear up for another holiday season, let’s approach it with an open mind and a commitment to making it the best one yet for us and our children. Remember, it’s not about where we celebrate but how we fill these moments with love, laughter, and a dash of holiday magic.
It might take some extra effort and planning, but trust me, it’s worth it. So let’s make them good ones, shall we?
