Everyone nowadays seems to throw around accusations of toxicity as if they don’t matter. One user on Medium proposed a theory that calling other people toxic means that you have a problem with them.
Calling someone, even yourself, toxic is a harmful way of thinking. It turns complex human behavior into a moral verdict. In real life, so-called “toxic” people are complex characters with their own experiences and, mainly, capacities to change.
Toxic personality traits aren’t about being evil or broken, or beyond repair. It doesn’t mean that “toxic” people can’t harm. That’s why it’s so important to be educated and protected.
What Are Toxic Traits?
Toxic traits are repeated types of behavior that consistently make other people uncomfortable or threatened. A trait becomes toxic not because it’s simply “not very nice”, but because it causes harm. Often, behavior turns toxic when a person doesn’t acknowledge that they could harm others.
Intent here matters far less than impact: some people may not mean to harm others. To check if you fit the description, go to the test page to check whether your behavior is damaging. Someone doesn’t have to mean harm for their behavior to still be destructive.
What makes a behavior toxic usually includes:
- repetition over time
- lack of accountability
- disregard for boundaries
- manipulation or control
- disregard of the desires and interests of others
“But I also can make these mistakes, does it mean that I’m toxic?” Yes! But not in a bad way. Everyone can show toxic traits sometimes, especially under stress, trauma, or pressure. The difference is whether a person takes responsibility and is open to change.
Common examples of toxic behavior include:
- Blaming others for your mistakes
- Denying someone else’s reality
- Disregarding other people’s emotions
- Manipulating the feelings of others to get the desired
- Ignoring or repeatedly crossing boundaries
- Passive aggression instead of direct communication
- Using anger, silence, or emotional withdrawal as punishment
- Refusing to apologize or repair after causing harm
Toxic traits don’t define people. The next section will prove it.
Common Myths about the Meaning of Toxic Traits
Much of the confusion around toxic traits comes from how loosely the term is used. Online, “toxic” is a shortcut for anything uncomfortable. This leads to a lot of myths we blindly believe.
When these myths exist, they either excuse genuinely damaging actions or unfairly shame people for doing normal, necessary things. To understand toxic traits clearly, it’s important to separate facts from assumptions. That’s what we do below:
Boundaries Are Toxic
Boundaries themselves are not toxic. In fact, they are one of the clearest signs of independent thinking and attempting to live a peaceful life. A boundary simply defines what you are responsible for and what you are not.
We understand why boundaries may be viewed as toxic. It’s a sign of autonomy, and they may sometimes not be seen as comfortable. Problems arise when the language of boundaries is used to justify harmful or avoidant behavior.
For example, saying “I took a day off today because I was exhausted” is a healthy boundary. Saying “I didn’t wash dishes today because it’s my boundary” can become toxic. Similarly, using phrases like “this is just who I am” or “I’m protecting my peace” to excuse disrespect and cruelty, while also shifting responsibility away from the behavior itself.
Healthy boundaries still allow for empathy, communication, and repair. Accepting the feelings and opinions of others, but sticking to your truth.
Toxic Traits Are Universal
One of the most common misconceptions is that certain behaviors are always toxic, no matter the situation. In reality, context matters. The same behavior can be protective in one environment and harmful in another. For example, emotional withdrawal might be a short-term coping strategy with toxic partners. But if it’s used constantly, it can turn into emotional manipulation.
Another important myth is that toxic people are all the same. This is very far from the truth. People in different contexts and relationships define what’s toxic for them. It may sound cheesy, but they’re simply setting the boundaries.
For example, some couples constantly share each other’s locations. Others prefer privacy and not having their partner constantly track them. And both variants are normal. But if in a couple that shares a location, one decides to hide, this will cross a boundary.
People with Toxic Traits Know They Have Them
People who show toxic traits in their traditional meaning aren’t fully aware of their behavior and don’t intentionally choose to harm others. What’s known as “toxicity” comes from a subconscious place, somewhere where automatic survival responses are stored.
For some people, acknowledging harm feels threatening because it challenges their sense of safety or identity. That’s where we get defensiveness, denial, and blame-shifting. That doesn’t remove responsibility for the impact of their behavior, but it explains why insight doesn’t automatically come with age or intelligence.
Growth begins when a person who realizes they harmed someone takes responsibility for change. Awareness is not guaranteed, but it is possible, especially when people are given knowledge.
Toxic Traits Help Climb the Career Ladder
There’s a persistent belief that traits like aggression or manipulation are necessary to succeed professionally. We’d lie if we said that lying wouldn’t help grow in corporate worlds. But they all deliver short-term results.
However, toxic traits rarely lead to sustainable success. Teams may comply out of fear, but motivation and creativity suffer. Research on leadership consistently shows that psychological safety is far more predictive of long-term performance than intimidation or control.
Toxic personality traits may lead a person to seek leadership roles for validation and boosting fragile self-esteem. So, there is a view that toxic leaders are more common. They’re simply louder than calm and supportive managers.
People Are Born Toxic
Another damaging myth is that toxicity is something people are born with and cannot change. Let’s end this myth once and for good: no one is born “evil.” This belief is toxic itself because it overlooks the idea that people are capable of change.
In reality, toxic traits are usually acquired, not inherited. They develop because of adverse family dynamics, cultural norms, chronic stress, etc. Toxic personality traits may seem inherent because if parents showed examples of manipulation, lying, verbal abuse, etc., the child learns to repeat this behavior in adulthood.
But it doesn’t mean that all people who had challenges in childhood grow up to be toxic. If they get help, education, or simply have a resistant personality, they can stand up to these vicious cycles.
Toxic Traits Make People Bad
Calling someone “toxic” may internalize this behavior and completely take away the nuance of human character. Having toxic traits does not make someone a bad person.
It means they are using behavior patterns that cause harm. They develop as coping mechanisms in environments where healthier options are unavailable. Shame-based labels will reinforce defensiveness and denial rather than change.
Being Safe Against Toxic Traits
Being safe around toxic traits starts with recognizing patterns rather than focusing on intentions or excuses. If a behavior of others consistently leaves you confused or fearful, it deserves attention, regardless of whether it can be justified or not.
To protect yourself from toxic behavior:
- Pay attention to repetition
- Remember that apologies or promises don’t mean anything if they’re not followed through with actions
- Set clear boundaries and witness how they are received
- Don’t spend emotional capacity on someone who may be toxic towards you
- Prioritize psychological safety over trying to be “understanding”
At the same time, self-awareness is key to avoiding harmful patterns in yourself. As we concluded, everyone can exhibit toxic traits at times. If you wonder if you’re toxic, monitor your reactions and ask for feedback.
